Buh-bye FarmVille

I'm going to make a confession.  An honest airing of dirty laundry.  And I'm serious, not just trying to be funny:  my husband and children advise that I should absolutely not make any sort of attempt at humor, ever.  I'm going to tell you about the time that I hit rock bottom. The day that opened my eyes to an addiction, and taught me that there are times when you must take a deep, good look at your soul and decide if you like what you find lurking inside.

I'm going to tell you about the last day that I played FarmVille.

It started innocently enough.  Someone asked if I'd ever given it a try.  They said it was fun.  Within days I "gave up city livin' and started a farm!"  Soon I found myself setting the alarm fifteen minutes earlier, so that I could have some uninterrupted productive seed planting time before I had to make breakfast for my family. I became adept at planning my harvesting around daily tasks (strawberries take only four hours to grow, so I could plant them before I picked the kids up from school, and they'd be ready after dinner!). I became very social, stopping by various friends' farms – feeding their chickens for them, even (I really just wanted the bonus eggs). Earning copious blue ribbons for my many accomplishments, I also became a super-achiever. Suddenly an expert at landscaping, I spent hours planting and tending to trees and flowers with my pruning shears and trowel. Receiving gifts from fellow farmers thrilled me in ways that words cannot adequately express.

I bought a tractor.

And a harvester.

I left my city girl ways firmly in the dust and wondered why I had never joined 4H as a kid, since my horses, sheep, cows, and chickens were THRIVING. I decided that if I ever had another child, I just might name him/her "Zynga" (I never told this to my spouse. He wouldn't have understood).

Then it happened.

The morning started out in its normal, chaotic fashion. Lots of running up and down the stairs for forgotten socks, sweaters, backpacks, and the like. I buckled my son into his booster seat and told my daughter to stop playing with the electric lock. Then BAM!  it hit me. I had forgotten to harvest my artichokes! Do you know how much money you can earn by harvesting artichokes??? Checking the clock, I knew that the whole crop would wither if I didn't go to my computer RIGHT NOW and take care of business.

"Stay right here, I forgot something." I ran up and turned on the computer. "Come on, come on, COME ON!" Finally I made my way to the homestead and began working. I decided to use my harvester, even though it would cost me a pretty penny, and wasn't really in my budget. It was moving so slow!!! I mean, I bought the darned thing to aide me in my agricultural endeavors and it was just HOLDING ME BACK. I cancelled the action and harvested manually. Adrenaline shot through my body, better than the strongest cup of coffee.

"Mom!"
"One minute!"
"Mom?  What are you doing?"

We were late for school. No bueno. I drove to and from the school in shame, returning home with the new knowledge that I absolutely had a problem. Beginning right then and there, I decided to let my crops wither.  It nearly killed me, but I ignored all requests from those farmers who were able to function in real life, as well as in the virtual arena of Farmville. No more chickens. No more strawberries. I was done.

So forgive me if I ignore your FarmVille request. I stay away from Café World now, too. Just in case you were wondering...