Missing Little Lulu

The last couple of years with my grandmother were pretty special. By "special" I mean sometimes a hoot, sometimes extremely stressful, and sometimes filled with moments straight out of an episode of Twilight Zone.

I'm not entirely sure when Lulu began using men's aerosol deodorant for hairspray, but when we noticed and exposed her folly she swore that it had nothing to do with not being able to read the label because she was legally blind. She assured us that this was by choice (she was a terribly liar). She created quite a sporty-fresh hair helmet going forward, just to prove that the normal hairspray that most people used was not the thing for the likes of her. She also occasionally mistook lipliner for eyebrow pencil. Lulu liked to wear hot pink lipliner. 

I once had to pick my grandmother up under my arm like a football and run across the parking lot in a CVS parking lot. 

She lost most of her hearing about a year and a half before she left us, and could barely see. A presumably homeless man (who I am diagnosing with schizophrenia, without any real qualifications to do so -- other than an amateur interest in psychiatry) was cursing at the passersby. He was really, really unhappy about the impending apocalypse and we were all to blame. My grandmother thought he was addressing her personally, and since she had trouble comprehending why he was standing there at the curb shouting, she walked her little 4'8'' self so close to him that her nose was touching his belly. He looked down on her in red-faced, sweaty fury, and raised an arm up to the sky; poised to do I don't know what. I scooped her up and ran for the car. Good thing she was so tiny.

Lulu had Alzheimer's and occasionally gossiped about me -- to me.

LULU:  The nicest girl came by yesterday.

ME:  Oh, yeah?

LULU:  Yes. She took me to the dollar store.

ME:  So about this girl, tell me ... was she pretty?

LULU:  She was. She needs to stop wearing those hats, though. They make her look like a man. Like a truck driver.

When my grandmother began losing her hearing she still insisted on using the telephone. I used to walk around the block from my home to call her because I would have to yell so she could hear me.

ME:  LULU, DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT TO LUNCH?!?!

LULU:  I'm sorry, who is this?

ME:  IT'S YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER! DO YOU WANT TO GO TO EL BURRO FOR AN ENCHILADA?!

LULU:  I don't think so...

ME:  I'M COMING OVER IN AN HOUR, OKAY?!

LULU:  I don't think I need any, thank you.

I stopped calling her altogether and decided to just show up at her house, whenever I was able. She was always dressed with full makeup (and hair deodorant) on, ready for adventure. Lulu had horrible arthritis. She could barely turn the knob on her front door, but she would never complain. She wanted to go go go! She loved shopping or eating anywhere. 

For years, Lulu and her group of friends would go to lunch at Jack in the Box, and then walk across the street to the Goodwill to sit on a couch inside the store to hang out and chat. It was sort of like an alternate universe, geriatric version of "Friends." Except every episode was about the cost of healthcare and where you could find Fresca on sale that week.

ME:  So... You guys just hang out at Goodwill. Do you ever buy anything?

LULU:  Only sometimes. They like us, though. They even know all our names.

Eventually, even she didn't know all their names. She would recall with great clarity what her grandparents' farm was like, but couldn't remember if she had eaten breakfast. Whenever we drove through downtown Campbell she would say (sometimes up to a dozen times per trip), "Doesn't this look familiar." I would answer, "Sure." Every single time. She lived there for fifty years so you would hope it looked familiar.

It was sometimes difficult to tell if her behavior was a result of her age or just a result of ... well, being Lulu. When I was in high school a group of friends and I stopped at her house for a quick "Hello," and she answered the door without any pants on. She was wearing a long blouse, but still. She said it was too hot for pants. I never brought friends by unannounced after that.

Lulu loved the holidays and prepared by QVC shopping. We usually got some sort of TV-order duster, cooking accessory, and/or 24-hour lipstick for Christmas -- along with a bunch of other questionable gifts.

One year I opened a beautifully wrapped little box addressed to me, found under her Christmas tree (the tree was decorated only in pink balls and tinsel). It was filled with valuable, antique stamps that would make any serious collector drool. She immediately made me hand them over. She just wanted me to see the stamps, not actually keep them. 

Another year her older brother sent money from Ohio so that she could pick out some gifts for the grandchildren from him. My present was a lacy, blue, silk teddy (as in, not a stuffed bear). 

I was fourteen.

LULU:  That is from Uncle Jack.

ME:  Uhm, okay. Ew.

She once gave the lady who worked as the cashier where she bought her incredibly thick eyeglasses a hundred dollar bill so she could buy her children Christmas presents. The woman was newly single and worried about the holidays. Lulu enjoyed helping people in surprising ways. For example:  She let me bring an authentic, priceless tintype of General Custer to fourth grade for my assigned sharing day. She would proudly announce that Custer was our cousin to anyone who would listen. It appeared that my announcing by proxy was almost just as good.

One time, just months before she passed away, I picked Lulu up for lunch and she apologized for not having any money. I told her it would be my treat, and grabbed her purse to hand it to her on our way out the door. It was so heavy that I asked if I could look inside. Lining the bottom of the bag was thirty-five thousand dollars. In cash (Actually, it ended up being just over thirty-four thousand, five hundred. But whatever). She was surprised to find it and burst out in the most wonderful, impish giggles. We both ended up literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Sometimes Alzheimer's could be such a party. 

She paid for lunch -- and then I took her straight to the bank to deposit the money.

BANK TELLER:  Where did all this money come from.

LULU:  I own a restaurant.

BANK TELLER:  Okay, Ma'am. Here's your deposit slip.

She did own a restaurant. In the 1940's.

Nothing slowed that little lady down. During a shopping trip the heel broke off one of her shoes. Until the last six months of her life (when her doctor prescribed sport slippers) she wore really, really high heels. So she suddenly found herself very uneven. I asked her if she wanted to go home, or take off the shoes, or ...? She decided to pretend that both heels were still there, and did a really sassy kind of Marilyn Monroe saunter around Dollar Tree. 

Two days before she died, Lulu asked me to take her to the beauty parlor to have her hair done. She was tired and a little confused, but she did not want to stay home. I showed her a picture of her finished hairdo and she adamantly stated, "That's not me." I assured her that it was most definitely her. She looked at me like she was amused that I was playing this silly trick on her, and then decided she wanted a cheeseburger from McDonald's so off we went. We laughed a lot while she ate, and then I brought her home.

I miss Lulu. I miss being frustrated with her wild ideas and her inappropriate announcements. I miss laughing with her and wondering (a little fearfully) what she'll do next.

Today is her birthday and my gift is to honor her by sharing my favorite memories of our time together. There are so many, but this is a good start.

*I wrote a book based on a trip that Lulu and I took. Most of it is fiction, but the crazy things that the grandmother does and says are almost 100% pure Lulu gold. The book is free for the next few days, in recognition of my grandmother's birthday:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=frankie+in+paris&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Afrankie+in+paris

Lazy, Nasty Low-Carb Hacks

DISCLAIMER:  I am not a thin person, nor am I pretending to be one. I am not even close to being a nutritionist, either. However, after two decades of being in and out of the Low-Carb lifestyle (there are different methods), I've learned that it is the quickest, most reliable, and most enduring way for me to lose weight and keep it off (sometimes for years at a time).

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER:  These are merely suggestions. I realize that they aren't the healthiest ideas. These are meant for those moments of weakness that could easily turn into an "Oh, why am I doing this, anyway" moment, with a side of funnel cake.

______________________________________________________
I recently gained ten pounds.

Back.

I had been on a low-carb diet since February, but (as I always eventually do) I wondered why I was depriving myself of all those carbs. YOLO, right? I mean, society puts too much emphasis on weight! I deserve some crusty sourdough, dammit!

This always happens. My dear friend likes to remind me that the corndog is my gateway drug. a few years ago our families were in Disneyland together and I decided to treat myself to a breakfast corndog, after two years on a strict, low-carb diet. I mean, seriously -- a DISNEYLAND CORNDOG:  One of the wonders of the world, but edible. 

Who else loves that fried little finger on the end that you only get if you're lucky?

That afternoon (after the corn dog morning), I treated myself to a roll (or two) at Blue Bayou while watching the  honorary pirate families float by. A Mickey ice cream was the next day. Three months later I was thirty-five pounds heavier and miserable.

Once again, I found myself on the same slippery slope and I didn't even wait for the corndog. So I've hopped back onto the high-fat, low-carb horse.

I'm going to offer you a glimpse into my down and dirty, nasty list of low-carb hacks. I'm by no means a nutritionist. Some of my "tricks" are probably shockingly unhealthy. I'm just trying to find things that work when I am stressed, hurried, and feeling resentful about not eating carbs. I am essentially a lazy person, where food is involved. I'm getting better. I'm learning to cook. Sometimes, though, convenience is an excellent motivator.

COFFEE

Atkins encourages the dieter to try to eschew coffee. You'll have so much energy, you won't even need caffeine the book says. I say, "If I don't get caffeine I might cut you." Well, since my coffee is the same as when my Lulu took me to the symphony with her cronies and let me dump mass quantities of sugar and creamer into it (age 11), I have to be careful about what I use to fix it up.

It turns out that Splenda actually has about 1/3 of a carb per packet. If you use SIX packets, as I do, it really adds up. Especially if you drink several cups per day and you're limiting your carbs to around thirty each day. After some research I found that Truvia has zero carbs. At first glance it looks like 2 carbs, but they are entirely sugar alcohol -- SAFE! Most sweeteners have zero carbs in liquid form. It's getting harder to find those, though.

I love lots of creamer. Half and half is fairly low in carbs if it's your only choice. However, I found this brand of heavy whipping cream and it has ZERO. Most have at least one carb per serving -- so be careful. Read your labels. Since I like coffee to look like Lulu's always did ("Make it the color of pantyhose, dear.") I stock up on my special stuff.

FOOD

Breakfast is pretty easy, right? Eggs, eggs, eggs (add some cheese if you'd like) and BACON, BACON, BACON!

Dinner is kinda okay, too:  Meat and veggies (full fat if you're eating salad dressing -- Caesar and Ranch are best) and butter. Don't forget the butter!

Lunch, however, can be a big pain in the tuchus. If you don't have time to prepare something in the morning (or the night before) you might find yourself in a panic. You might turn to an evil sandwich or (god forbid) a pile of french fries. Then it's off to the races...

Here is a list of incredibly low-carb lunches. Some of them are incredibly nasty. Maybe I'm not proud, but they do the trick, keep me in line, and give me a chance to try harder next time.

LUNCH HACKS

Costco sells a variety of salads (two or more
to a package). The Caprese salads are so delish. The only problem is the carbs in the balsamic dressing. I try to only use a few drops and add salt and pepper.

My freezer is often stocked with cheapo pizzas. Tony's are sometimes two for $4 (sure beats Round Table prices). If I'm craving pizza (or recently suffered through a pizza night with friends by subsisting on witty conversation) I'll heat one up and scrape of the toppings. What do you get? Pizza Casserole! Depending on the toppings you can eat the whole thing (or save some for later).

Did you know that Togo's will make pretty much any sandwich into a salad? I even ask for their spread (mayo. It's mayo) for my dressing -- and it tastes just like a #24 (that's a turkey and avocado). I mean look at this:

Looks good, right? Just ditch the bun and chow down

I'm pretty sure everyone knows about In N Out's Double Double, Protein Style. If you're doing low-carb, though, and you're feeling really, REALLY hungry, deprived, and desperate -- you can eat a couple at a time. Sounds kind of gross, but I've done it (and lost weight that day):

Did you know that Carl's Jr. also offers the burger without the bun? It's a totally different burger than In N Out. If you're craving more of a BBQ burger, Carl is your man (just be careful to choose one without BBQ sauce -- it is full of sugar):

OK, here's probably my grossest hack. If you're driving around, freaking out that you have no lunch, and you spy a Taco Bell, grab three or four tacos, dump them out -- and Voila:  Taco Salad. Don't forget to ask for a fork.

I totally lied. That wasn't my grossest hack. My truly most disgusting hack would be the 7-11 hotdog (no bun, of course). Nasty. And delicious if you're super hungry -- and there is a 7-11 on almost every corner. They also have several flavors of string cheese, by the package.

MOVIE THEATER (Bonus Round)

I used to get sad when I was going to the movies because no popcorn for me. Movie hotdogs are only slightly less disgusting than 7-11 hotdogs. And by disgusting I mean, "I think I have to say disgusting because what kind of adult actually likes hotdogs that roll around on heated tubes all day." By disgusting I mean yummy.

I like to bring these items with me, as well:

See how this looks like a rabid beast ripped it open? Well, I am that beast. 

You can eat 5 of these little babies for one carb. It looks like a lot of carbs when you read the back, but most of the carbs are sugar alcohols and you can also subtract the fiber.

*A word of warning to those with sensitive tummies. These can make your insides into a coffee percolating machine so maybe try a couple to begin with.

I love these, too, because I used to eat Junior Mints at the movies. You can have three of these and they're pretty big!

Confession:  I don't wait to go to the movies to eat these. I often make myself a little bowl of chocolates when I watch TV at night.

Now go forth good low-carbers! Don't forget to share your hacks with me!

MMMMM Butter and Parmesan on Food is GOOD

I've been trying to use the food in my refrigerator, as opposed to how I usually to do things -- which is wait until everything expires and throw it away. There is sort of an opposite problem with my freezer. I forget what I have in there and buy duplicates and triplicates (and fourplicates?) of everything. 

I found a couple of frozen steaks hiding in my freezer so I did an online search for "Low-Carb Steak Recipe" and found one that looked good: Garlic Butter Brazilian Steak. I did what I'm learning is my thing -- sort of following the recipe with mostly the ingredients listed. 

Happy to have found these in my freezer!

(Liberally apply salt and pepper to both sides)

Trimmed the fat a bit and cut them into pieces while the olive oil was heating in the pan 

Here's the best part:

While the meat sizzles, brown garlic with olive oil, and then add a boatload of unsalted butter

(sprinkle with salt as you stir)

I found this great site for Low-Carb side dishes and picked one to go with the beef:

www.ibreatheimhungry.com

Green beans! I like them. However, the site had a recipe that made me think I might grow to love them:  Oven Fried Garlic Parmesan Green Beans!

So I bought a pile of green beans, brought them home, and realized that I forgot that I'm too lazy to cut a bunch of green beans. 

What was I thinking?!

The poultry scissors got a new assignment -- and I'll be using them to cut my beans every time, from now on.

Parmesan is so good! I like to use my hands to stir things like this. I feel like it really "get it all" that way...

Dinner was tasty, but I'm going to change a few things with the greenies next time. I'll probably try parchment paper and also add more shredded parm to the top, once they're spread out on the pan.

These never got crispy. I used the broiler, but they were still a little limp. I'd still make them again because the flavor was there

This was really, really good -- and pretty darn simple!

So sad seeing all that crispy cheese left on the foil. I'm going to invest in some parchment paper for next time

BUTTER GARLIC BRAZILIAN STEAK

6 cloves of minced garlic
4 TBSP Unsalted Butter
Salt
Pepper
Olive oil
Steak of your choosing (I used 2 and trimmed some fat before I began)

Meat:
1)  Pat steaks with a paper towel then sprinkle liberally with salt and pepper. I swear using sea salt and pepper from a grinder is the best -- but what do I know?
2)  Heat pan coated 
with olive oil (cast iron pan if you've got one)
3)  Cut the steaks into 4 pieces
4) Brown on each side until they are done (such a relative term, "done." A recipe I was using said 2-3 minutes per side, but I like my steak done done so it was longer)

*I don't know what makes this "Brazilian," but I like it!

Buttah:
1)  Heat garlic in 2 TBSP of olive oil until golden brown
2)  Add butter
3)  Stir and sprinkle with salt
4)  When your meat is done and plated pour it on (be liberal with that stuff)

OVEN FRIED PARMESAN GREEN BEANS
(sugarfreemom.com)

2 TBSP olive oil
2 TSP minced garlic
1 egg, beaten
1/2 TSP garlic salt
12 OZ green beans
1/3 C grated cheese
*Parchment paper

1) Preheat oven to 425 degrees
2) In a large bowl whisk the oil, garlic, egg and salt together
3) Toss in the green beans and coat well
4) sprinkle in Parmesan on the beans and toss gently
5) Place evenly on a greased baking sheet (learn from my mistake -- use parchment paper)
6) Bake for 12-15 minutes or until golden
7) To crisp, heat for a minute or two under broiler

*I followed this pretty closely, but my beans didn't get crispy -- they were delicious, anyway!

Walmart: The Boss of Sauce

My kid came back for seconds last night.  Even though he knew the tortillas in our dinner were made out of cauliflower. 

My older son has chosen not to try most of my low-carb dinners -- so I count this as a big win. 

I'm hoping that I can continue to broaden my horizons. I'm hoping that his food memories of childhood aren't going to hinge entirely on a flying pancake.

I was recently having a conversation about food with him. I asked what his earliest food memory was and it turns out that it was a McDonald's pancake and its untimely demise. You see, I really mean it when I say I've historically avoided the kitchen. When my kids were very little I would stop at the golden arches to pick up pancakes for breakfast on our way to the park, and they were always too hot to eat so I would hold them out the window to cool off.

ME:  What's the earliest thing you remember about food?
KID 1:  The flying pancake.
ME:  No way, really?  That's your first?
KID 1:  Well, yeah. It was pretty traumatic.
ME:  I felt pretty awful about losing part of your breakfast. I could hear you both screaming and crying while it flew away in the rearview window...
KID 1:  Actually, I felt bad for the pancake.

He's always been a weird kid.

So yes, I was that person you saw flying flapjacks out the window of my Ford Explorer as I drove down the street. Now you know.

Anyway, I'm trying my hardest to teach myself how to cook using the internet. I'm kind of lazy, though:  Cooking takes a LOT of time, people:  
Planning. Shopping. Making. Cleaning. Turns out it takes practice, but it's getting easier for me. More fun, too...

Per usual, I looked up recipes for something I was craving, low-carb style. I combined a few recipes and very cheesy enchiladas are what we got.

Even the kid said he didn't miss "real tortillas" -- he said the only difference was that it was a little messier.

One warning:  If you can't or don't eat cheese you should skip this one. I don't think I've ever shredded so much fromage (in the past I've chosen to buy bags of cheese. Part of this new me is shredding it myself. Forgive me for wanting a gold star for this).

One recipe called for Walmart's Great Value pizza sauce as a starter for the enchilada sauce (http://yourlighterside.com/2010/05/cheese-enchiladas-2/ ). I was skeptical, but since this is the first time I've ever made the sauce (instead of buying a can of pre-made stuff) I decided to try it. It really works!

All of the recipes I looked at for the tortillas stress the importance of drying the cauliflower after you wash it so I decided to eschew that part altogether by buying pre-washed, packaged cauliflower. I was at Walmart, anyway -- so I headed to the veggie section after grabbing my sauce. 

Confession:  I made my first cauliflower "bread" product a little over a month ago and I needed a food processor. I didn't know that I actually had one. Looking up an image of "food processor" brought forth a gadget that I have moved out of the way countless times, while looking for things in our pantry. It was a Christmas gift, years ago, and I'm so grateful to have it. See, when I say I'm a beginner, I mean I am a beginner. Capital "B".

I also had to look up how to use it.

Here are my tortilla ingredients:

Here's what the cauliflower looks like once it's been ground up

(in case you didn't know, just like I didn't know until a few weeks ago)

Here are the tortillas before baking

And after baking

The main recipe I'm following was for cheese enchies, but I decided to make some ground beef and chicken ones, too. Only I forgot that I wanted to make shredded chicken so I ended up with chunky chicken enchiladas. I used this packet to season the meat:

Now the sauce. After dumping the little jar of pizza sauce into a pot I added piles of cheese. Monterey Jack and Cheddar, along with some seasoning and browned onions + garlic. After a few minutes it looked like the sauce that I usually buy, which was reassuring.

Time to stuff and roll those babies.

Okay. These actually look like enchiladas!

Oh, man. Can't wait (my kid didn't wait. That's why one's missing)

I don't think I would change anything (except maybe for remembering to shred the chicken)

SAUCE

2 cups of Great Value pizza sauce from Walmart (one small jar)
1/2 onion, finely chopped
2 large cloves of garlic, chopped and crushed (I used pre-minced garlic from a jar and estimated the amount)
1 Tbsp chili powder
4 Tbsp oil of your choice (I used olive)
1 Tsp cumin
1 Tsp oregano
1 Tsp salt
1/4 Tsp pepper
2 cups cheddar cheese, shredded
2 cups Monterey Jack cheese, shredded

1. Brown onions, adding sauce and seasonings
2. Heat to boiling, adding cheese
3. Reduce heat

TORTILLAS

Cooking spray
Tin foil
Baking sheet
One big bag of pre-washed cauliflower (the kind you microwave in the bag)
3 eggs
3 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

1. Preheat oven 450 degrees
2. Line a cooking sheet with tin foil and spray with cooking spray
3. Grind up your cauliflower in processor
4. Mix ingredients (I used my hands)
5. Make handful of ingredients into a ball and flatten on baking sheet (lined in tin foil and greased with cooking spray)
6. Bake until golden brown

ENCHIES

Big pile o' cheddar and Monterey Jack
Your sauce
Meat (optional)
Taco seasoning packet (if you're using meat)
Small can of sliced olives
Pyrex dish

1. Prepare a mix of cheddar and Monterey Jack (enough for about 1/4 cup per enchilada)
2. Line un-greased baking dish with sauce
3. Lay each tortilla flat and add sauce to each one
4. Add meat and about 1/4 cup of cheese mixture to each tortilla (or just cheese for veggie)
5. Roll up enchiladas as you fill (seam at the bottom)
6. Top with more cheese and olives
7. Bake until cheese is melted
8. Add any other toppings you like (I added sour cream)

The "I Don't Cook" Cook

I've always been a bad cook. Food scares me. Well, no, food doesn't scare me -- believe you me, I LOVE food. The pressure of preparing it scares me:  I don't know what to make and I don't know how to make it and I don't know which ingredients are the best to use. 

My mom likes to tell people about the time I left the plastic wrap on the top of the Pyrex dish when I pulled the meatloaf out of the fridge and put it in the oven (yummm shrink-wrapped meatloaf). Another time I turned the water off when she was making hard-boiled eggs because the water had begun to boil. I didn't know it was supposed to do that.

Luckily, there's this newfangled thing called the World Wide Web and the youngsters tell me there are plenty of ideas hiding within. Maybe you've heard of it.

I think that throughout the years it became less about my lack of kitchen skills and more about being lazy and not even trying to learn any. It's really, really easy to say, "Yeah, I don't cook, sooooooo..." when I sign up to bring tortilla chips and a jar of Pace salsa to a potluck.

I wanna be the girl who brings the amazing little appetizers with the fancy filo shells filled with life-changing morsels -- and everybody tries to pretend they haven't eaten more than their share.

Well, I have to start somewhere. I have been looking for inspiration from good ole Google. I love being able to type CARB FREE DINNERS and find dozens of suggestions.

I found a few recipes for low-carb Caprese chicken breasts, and I cherry-picked what I liked from them to make them into one dish of awesome cheese and tomato-ness.

I like this picture because it sort of looks like I have it together

I don't

I didn't take a picture of the part where I asked my mother-in-law for some basil from her backyard when I stopped by after work to pick up my dog (my in-laws are the best doggie grandparents). I realized I didn't have any when I scrolled through my list of ingredients at the end of my shift.

Also not pictured is the moment I was about to cook and found out I had about four drops of balsamic vinegar left and had to run to the grocery store.

My weak points during this dinner challenge:

1) Accidentally not being prepared

2) Underestimating the time needed for this dish's preparation

(I'm learning that a meal that's supposed to take 35 minutes will inevitably take longer for this novice)

3) My raw chicken phobia

(My husband has to remind me, on occasion, that it is actually food I'm dealing with -- not toxic waste. I usually have a number of bleach-based products standing at attention for when the raw bird portion of the evening has concluded)

Raw chicken aside, this was making me hungry

What I really wanted to do was show this photo to you so you'd think I was some sort of natural at stuffing chicken breasts. A stuffing-and-rolling-wiz, if you will:

Look at those artsy little tomatoes scattered about

This one looks pretty okay, too

Then there's this beast. 

This breast has no shame, whatsoever:  Look at the cheese poking out like it's trying to squeeze its way to freedom.

It looks like a cartoon suitcase being held shut with a bungee cord.

*This is the one most representative of my true kitchen skills so I'm gonna wear this badge with pride bursting forth like the mozzarella and sun dried tomatoes are exploding out of that chicken.

Time to put these bad boys in a pan

Now I transfer the pan to the oven

Looks delicious, right?

Side note:

I wasn't trying to use the candle to enhance my photograph. It was just there. Really and truly. And don't think I'm trying to be fancy by showing you my Yankee Candle Company purchase. I love their candles, but come on, twenty-eight bucks for a candle?!

I bought mine at TJ Maxx for $13.

I made some zucchini for our side dish (nothing special, just loads of butter, sea salt, and cracked pepper)

VOILÀ

Here's what it looks like inside

This was really, truly delicious

(Sort of like a) Recipe:

Chicken breasts

Mozzarella

Fresh basil

Parsley

Minced garlic

Salt

Pepper

Jar of sun dried tomatoes in oil

Cherry or grape tomatoes

Cooking string

Olive oil

Balsamic vinegar

(Loosely Constructed) Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees 

2. Make a pocket in your chicken breasts

3. Rub them with the oil from the sun dried tomatoes (inside the pocket, too)

4. Stuff your chicken with mozzarella, tomatoes, basil, and parsley, Salt, and Pepper

 (I sliced up three fresh mozzarella balls to distribute between the three breasts, and I sort of eye-balled the other ingredients and decided what looked good to me. Very scientific, yes)

5. Attempt to tie them up

6. Put them in a pan (I used a cast iron pan so it could go straight into the oven, as opposed to having to transfer the breasts) coated with olive oil

7. Brown the chicken on both sides (a recipe I was pseudo-following said 2-3 minutes each side, but I ended up doing it for longer)

8. Put the chicken in the oven

I felt like 20 minutes would be good -- it was (but I did cut into the biggest breast to make sure all the pinkness was gone)

9. While the breasts are in the oven, make your balsamic reduction (I had to google "balsamic reduction" because I'd never paid much attention to "reductions" before!) and add the minced garlic about halfway through. One of the recipes said to add brown sugar. I didn't -- low carb won't stand for brown sugar

*REDUCTION:  Basically, you bring your vinegar to a boil. Then you turn it down to medium and stir it until it's reduced to about half of what you started with. Apparently you have to pay attention or it will turn into a mess.

10. Panic about the germs left behind by the raw chicken and bleach the heck out of your cutting board and countertops